It’s that time of year again when everything gets shut down from back to back snowstorms, and when the only cloudless source of sunlight I can get is from my roommate’s depression lamp.

That being said, I have found some newfound love for winter time, even as someone with a dose of seasonal depression on top of some pretty severe anxiety; oftentimes, I find that a step outside in freezing temperatures can curb impending panic attacks, and I’ve been using that energy towards shoveling like a maniac every evening this week.

There is something spiritual in the menial and repetitive action of shoveling - I cannot help but to feel connected to Mother Nature or some sort of peaceful, omnipotent companion in the cold night sky. It could be the way I am still processing grief over some tough losses around this time last year (friends who I’d like to think watch over me now), or it could be that 20 degrees kills the brain cells responsible for feeling fear. Sometimes, I really wish I was religious but this feels close enough lately.

Beyond this weird calming sensation I have been experiencing while clearing absolute buttloads of snow from the sidewalk, I have also experienced that it has inspired me to sit down and paint again. In my constant state of posting and doing business-y things, post holiday season is sort of a good time to rekindle the warmth I have for traditional mediums. The artistic inspirations I get from the brisk outdoors are not necessarily visual ones - as I am missing the typically saturated (and alive) colors of nature I incorporate - but visceral ones. It’s a reset button; the heavy snow dampens the sound of the rest of the world, who are all home anyway.

Anywho, I am excited for my current projects and my general wintery outlook in a way that I feel like is unprecedented for me during a January. Is it the new dose of SSRIs or the self-inflicted hypothermia? You tell me.

Reading this back, I realize how much it sounds like I am unhinged antivaxxer type and on shrooms or something. I’m not, I just really want to tell you to go out and shovel sometimes.